FINAL COURSE CAPSTONE

Sunday, April 6, 2014

emotionally, practically, and physically.




No, we don't choose our family, but if I did, I'd probably choose the same people who surround me today.
And today, we are very much struggling with grief, sadness, and worry. Today is Sunday, and my father has driven to North Florida to be with his only surviving brother as he winds down his time on earth. He has been sick for almost a year, and now the family has been called into be with him. We are at the end...As a family of 8 siblings, my dad has been here before. All that remains are his two sisters. He is in the middle of the group, so both older and younger siblings have gone before him. I will wait for the news that he has passed and plan a quick trip to Florida for the funeral..I won't take my girls. The emotional tole on them ups the stakes, and right now, I don't want them putting it together that their cousins grandpa has passed away, A grandpa who is younger than their own. The last funeral they attended was their great grandmothers. We were able to keep them out of the chapel until the casket was closed, but when it was time for me to do a reading, I sort of lost it up there...And both of my daughters screamed in the middle of the service, "MOMMMMMMYYYYY..." and had to be held from running up to me. They are empathetic children to their core, and if mommy is hurting, they are aching with me. So they will stay home with my every devoted mother who will step in for me. Support, practical and dependable support.

These kinds of situations bring me to realize the most epic shows of support from my family. It was almost 7 years ago, and I was in the final stages of my adoption. I was scheduled to fly to Siberia to meet the baby that would become my youngest daughter. The way international adoptions work in Russia is that you take two trips. One to meet the baby, fill out the last bits of paperwork, then come home for a month while Russia finishes its paperwork. The first trip is for a little over a week. The second trip is typically a little bit more than a month. During my first adoption, my mom went on my first trip and my dad went with me for the month long trip. Some struggle while in Russia for that length of time. We loved and adored it! Magical. For adoption number two, we had decided to switch and let my mom go on the second, longer trip.
We had set our travel details, rec'd our visas, booked hotels, translators and coordinators, for the first trip and then the unthinkable happened, my grandmother, my dad's mother took ill, and passed away. She was 97. My thought was to go alone. Of course my dad couldn't go and miss his mother's funeral..I begged him to let me go alone. The trip was organized by both Russians and Americans, and not a detail was missed. But he wouldn't think of it. At 38 years of age, he still felt the need to protect me.Support, practical and dependable support.

And the support continues. He travels from Florida each month or so to visit my girls and I. (And my sister too). And my mother lives less than a mile away in order to be there for us. I walk around my life with an invisible net of practical, dependable, support. It allows me to take the risks of international adoption, being a single mother, homeowner, graduate student, and teacher. No one can see that net of support, but it's there..

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